Reflections on the book of Ruth: Naomi's bitterness and blessing

“...the Lords hand has gone out against me” Ruth 1 v 13 

So the two women went on until they came to Bethlehem.  When they arrived in Bethlehem the whole town was stirred because of them, and the women exclaimed, ‘Can this be Naomi?’

Don’t call me Naomi, she told them.  Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.  I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.  Why call me Naomi?  The Lord has afflicted me; the almighty has brought misfortune upon me” Ruth 1 v 19-21

Sometimes I think about seeing old friends and I think their expectations would be disappointed.  I may think of my youth, when first saved, and think how cheery and free I was- working, capable, social.  But one thing I read about Naomi’s possible musings in an article was whether she remembered the peace with God she used to enjoy in her youth…and that added to her sorrow.

I feel a great deal of stress- and not a lot of peace- I look forward to a time of peace…I hope that is close-just around the corner.  I pray God will soon shed light on my shadowed heart.

Her husband led her away to Moab when there was a famine in Bethlehem.  Obviously her family and friends stayed.  I have felt like Naomi must have felt at times.  He must have wanted what was best for him and his family in terms of their needs being met.  We have shifted churches later for me to think- was that really Gods will?  How did Naomi feel in Moab?  She may have felt a disconnect with her family roots and heritage, even her faith, surrounded by idols and people worshiping idols.  Who could she talk to about her God?  She may have been very lonely and her spirit within shrunken and starved.  While she was physically fed, spiritually she may have been very hungry.  Her husband seems to have put the physical needs before the spiritual need of his family to do God’s will first and foremost.

I felt at 'home' initially at church, then a couple of church changes and a couple of moves, then settled at one- a flood- things went wrong- shifted again- then moved.  

Even if we change churches, in which we are still moving to another God-worshiping place, if we are running away from issues without resolving them, or just having gone without the peace that it is God’s will for us to leave, similar feelings can ensue.  I know from experiencing these feelings.  I have stepped over too many lines without God’s peace in my heart, feeling uneasy, not in faithful strides. And there is that lonely, starved feeling, even when there are blessings and other Christians to talk to and nice things and even roles in which to contribute- there is a sense that ‘all is not right’.   I envy people who have a history in their lives of stepping confidently from one leading of the Lord to another.  I am learning, but it doesn’t seem to be my prominent story.  I feel I identify so strongly with the mournful statements of the biblical character in a sort of self pity, but then I admire the perspective of sovereignty of God in the bitterness.

When I read the book of Ruth through over the past week, I felt God had wanted me to do so for a reason.  I also read blogs and commentaries.  To be honest, I identify so much with my namesake that it awakens all sorts of emotional pain.  But I believe the main blessing God wanted to give me was the peace I seek, the peace of acceptance of his sovereignty in my bitterness.  He is sovereign in my bitterness.  In some in-explainable way, reading Naomi’s statements flooded my heart even if briefly, with a sense of relief and calm and peace.  And I want to be able to explain how and why.  God is in control.  He knows the pain and the problems.  He knows how deeply our difficulties grate us- he knows the spots it hurts.  He knows us- and he knows why our difficulty is difficult for us when it may not be for someone else in our shoes- because we are who we are- with those particular weaknesses and deficiencies that make that thing just so unbearable.  It’s bitter because we don’t like how it tastes- we just don’t like it- we don’t enjoy it- it’s not our idea of fun whatsoever.  I have tried to get in the groove- to be this person life demands-and try to sacrifice everything else-but I wasn’t facing up to the fact this isn’t me- and relentlessly trying to find another explanation for unhappiness.

Now I feel God is bringing me to own and face and admit the discrepancy between what I encounter in life and what I wish was the case- but bitterness rises up more severely initially in the face of this harsh truth.  Maybe that’s what Naomi experienced.  Maybe she hoped things would get better, maybe she was looking for explanations- and then when things hit rock bottom and she had lost everything she got perspective- I am bitter- God has dished out a harsh deal and I just don’t like it.

I like that she was humble- she goes back.  And she arrives in the full mire of her bitterness.  But I feel it’s from that place that God was and is so glorified in her life.  Because she goes back with empty hands and she says I have nothing.  And her desolation is obvious.

Maybe our pain and feelings of desolation are obvious to those around us- embarrassingly obvious.  And maybe we think how could I glorify God in my pathetic condition. We can see our self pity and we wish we were more stoic and positive.  But when Gods fills our empty hands and heart, it is also obvious that the Lord has done this- it is the Lord who has blessed us, uplifted us, filled us, given to us and rescued us, it is he who has restored our dignity.  Naomi had nothing when she returned- she couldn’t even claim her husbands land and pass it on without Boaz accepting Ruth- she wasn’t in control- but she held out faith that it wasn’t over- God could still bless.

So there is hope for me- and for you.  Like the Almightly is sovereign in misfortune he is also sovereign in blessing and I believe his faithfulness will restore and heal and give us a testimony like Naomi, of his goodness...

Even if we have walked in places where we haven’t tasted the fullness of the goodness God would have for us, or if we have been ignorant of his many acts of kindness toward us on our journey- he will never stop doing good toward us.  His goodness and mercy will keep following you…all the days of your life…that is his grace- and when we reach the end we will step into the full experience of who he is, unhindered by our sin or ignorance or the harsh world in which we live- and we will know and experience his goodness so certainly that out hearts will be full to overflowing.